Spoiler Alert! - the last page of "The Lump of Coal," by Lemony Snicket

"All these things are miracles. It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season - like all the other seasons - is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and be grateful for them, and that's the end of this particular story."

Book Review: "The Lump of Coal," by Lemony Snicket

I liked it. It is "a story about a lump of coal who can think, talk, and move itself around. Is there a more charming holiday tale to be told? Probably, but Lemony Snicket has not written one." It's just a short little children's book, but it's cute, and has Lemony Snicket's sense of humor. And now, in my next post, I shall spoil the ending for you.

i'm so there!

my boss came in the other day and stuck a paper on the bulletin board. "this is a note from the administrator about a crime spree that's going on in the neighborhood, if anyone's interested."

i got a lump of coal in my stocking!!!

Merry Christmas!
a present for you :)

Happy Hanukkah!

or Hannukah or Chanukah or Channukah or something. :)

if in doubt, follow the directions

my parents just got a digital camera (which is interesting, considering they're both scared of the computer), so my dad was reading all the fine print on how to use it:

"Step One: Remove camera from box"

so what's going on with this internet explorer thing?

a grammar issue that bothers me

i really don't like it when people say things like, "i'll get you a cup of coffee." i don't remember all the terms like direct object and whatnot, but basically, what is being said is, "i'll get you." that is not at all pleasant. what should be said in this case is, "i'll get a cup of coffee for you." whoever is saying this is saying that he or she will get a cup of coffee. that is correct.
now, sadly this is something of which i am guilty. sheer laziness. that's all it is. and so i renew my vow to try to eliminate grammatical errors such as this from my speech.

valuable coupon

"buy 8 boxes of cereal, get one gallon of milk free"
ok, i don't put milk on my cereal, so i guess i can't say for sure what the ratio is, but i'm pretty sure one gallon of milk isn't going to cut it if you're buying 8 boxes of cereal.

why i'm thankful pop is expensive now

i'm looking at my desk, noticing that i have 4 empty cans of mountain dew sitting here, thinking two things:
1) i suppose i should get rid of them
2) i'm glad pop isn't so cheap anymore, as it's helping me break my mountain dew addiction (i'm down to about 4 a week!) (granted this means i'm drinking more tea, so it's just as much caffeine, but still)

advent

at work today, i glanced at the calendar and noticed that it's the first sunday of advent. i mentioned it to my coworkers and, naturally, got a blank stare. "ok, so what is that?"
"the four sundays before Christmas are advent, which is kind of a count down to Christmas and Jesus being born."
"ok."
"and it also is for looking forward to Jesus coming again. it's really kind of exciting."
and then i got a look like i'm completely off my rocker. which is fine. i didn't expect anything else. but it makes me sad. i wish these people would know what Christmas is all about. i can't imagine thinking it's just about presents. how empty.
i also wish that churches would do more with the whole "Jesus is coming again" part of advent. i don't know what exactly, but it would be nice to be reminded of that. imagine what could happen if we all started living like it. :)

oh my

i had to work yesterday. it was fine. i got off at 2 and we ate at 4, so i didn't miss the meal, and i figure the old people at the home have to eat, so i really didn't mind working thanksgiving. i had failed to take one thing into consideration, however.

i missed the macy's thanksgiving day parade. now, i know, it's the same every year, from the rockettes, to the kermit balloon, to the bands, to the cheesy brodway number, to the ronald mcdonald balloon, to the turkey with the trying to be relevant recording artist lypsynching her latest song, to the snoopy balloon. but it always ends the same, too. with the arrival of the macy's santa. and as any Christmas movie buff can tell you, the macy's santa is the real thing. his arrival is the official arrival of the Christmas season.

and i missed it! i'm now at a loss. how will Christmas ever come?

now i know my abc's. seriously, i do. you can stop now.

my tub faucet drips. some people might find this annoying. i, however, choose to think positively. it could be just a normal constant drip, but instead, it sounds more like this.

Happy Thanksgiving!

"And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 5:20

people who do drugs annoy me

i can't have phenylaphrine, which is one of the main ingredients in cold medicine, now that they're not allowed to use pseudophedrine because of dumb meth people. this means that i always have to go up to the counter and ask for the real stuff. i don't use cold medicine all that often since a) i don't get sick that often, b) i'm stubborn and use as little medication as possible, and c) i'm just too dang cheap, so this really doesn't affect me too much.
today, however, i went to the store after work to get some medicine. (i was very proud of myself for remembering to bring money with me, since i never bring a purse with me to work.) when i got to the counter and asked for the medicine, the woman asked if she could see my i.d. doh! i.d. the thought never even crossed my mind. seeing as i don't bring a purse with me to work, i didn't have my driver's license, so i couldn't get my medicine.
i was so annoyed. i'm a nice, innocent person - why would i even think of i.d.? and the maddening thing is that a meth user would've already thought of it, and had that covered, with either a fake or a stolen one. so once again, the innocent get punished instead of the bad.
i don't like druggies.

why i love my boss (today, anyway)

our main cook makes the best swedish meatballs ever. however, almost a year ago now, my boss switched the menu around so that the meatballs were on on his day off. i was devastated. the other cook puts nutmeg in them. nutmeg. in meatballs. not scrumptous (though apparently she thinks so). she also makes a different gravy which is not nearly as good.
anyway, so my boss was looking for new ideas for the winter menu. she was all excited a couple weeks ago and told her i had a great idea. "put meatballs on on a monday." knowing that the normal cook and i both work every monday, she laughed, and didn't say anything more about it, so i figured that was that.
but no - for once someone listened to me! we had swedish meatballs today! granted, i then ate so much that i was so full i couldn't move to clean up after lunch, but it was worth it. so so yummy.
thank you, boss! and thank you even more, cook, who makes such wonderful food!

just wrong

my mother gave me 1 m&m the other day. (does that even count as an m&m, if it's only one?) who just eats one m&m? it's like eating one skittle or one chip or one goldfish (cracker, not pet - if it's a pet, i'm pretty sure you're allowed to eat just one). and then she laughed at me cuz she knew it was bothering me. so mean.

not to mention...

lest you worry

i did not wake up dead today

one time i didn't have lyme disease

i got some kind of bite on my arm, it had a huge almost square red spot, and my arm was numb. they thought i might have lyme disease, so they put me on drugs for it, but turns out i didn't have it.
well, yesterday and today my [other] arm has had the same numb feeling. my mom is completely unsympathetic and says i'm fine, it's just a pinched nerve. but what if it's not and i was bit by some kind of poisonus thing and my arm is going to fall off and i'm going to be paralyzed or worse. she's gonna be awful sorry when i wake up dead tomorrow.

some things i like about winter

the mittens my mom made for me, the scarf my niece knitted for me, my jammies that consist of my brother's old sweatshirt and my dad's old sweatpants, :)

thank heaven for directions

Kraft Easy Cheese:

"For best results, remove cap..."

i've always wondered what would happen if i shot for decent results.

quote of the day

"happiness is doing a polka." - 20 year old guy behind me at target

(see, boys should learn to dance, then they'd be happy)

while we're on the topic of driving...

- why are boulevards and parkways only 25mph? they're free of stop signs and stop lights. why isn't it that you go faster there than on normal streets?
- dear bikers, just because you're saving the environment doesn't mean that you have the right to be in my way. especially if you have a bike path! (seriously, they ride on the street next to the bike path. what is that about?)
- why do people turn their turn signals on when they're in the intersection? 100 feet ahead of time people (in case you were wondering - that's 2 1/2 houses). otherwise, don't insult me with your fake little 'i warned you.' no, you didn't.
- people who drive toward me on side streets on which cars are parked on both sides - if i'm being nice enough to let you go first, speed up, don't slow down.

that's it for now.

cutest teddy bear ever

seriously, how cute is he?
(i just wish these videos would come in clearer)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ctw-NXqYjGM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTgpJKWqC4o

i almost died again

in the 4 1/2 block trip to work yesterday, i almost got into a car accident. (yes, i know, i should walk it. but it's 5:30 in the morning and i'm a girl and there are scary men out there.)
between the dark, the rain, the fact that i wasn't awake yet, and perhaps the fact that i was speeding, i somehow misjudged how far away a car was and tried to squeeze between 2 parked cars before he got there. apparently he was thinking the same thing, cuz he came flying toward me. i swerved, trying not to hit one of the parked cars, unable to stop because the leaves were all slippery, and almost died. thankfully nothing happened, other than a serious squealing of tires. and me waking up, which was an odd feeling, considering i'm used to sleep-walking through my first 2 hours at work.

another reason i'm jealous of boys

not only do they get to jump from moving vehicles into huge piles of leaves, they don't have to go to pampered chef parties. or creative memories parties. or jewelry parties.
why do women do this to themselves? thank heavens i always manage to find an excuse not to go. this week i can't make the mary kay party because it's at the same time as my llama's dental appointment.

fall is my favorite season

and raking leaves is my favorite outside chore. how great would it be if it led to this?

CD Review: "Freedom," Michael W. Smith

I know, it's been out for 8 years, but I hadn't listened to it in awhile, and am listening to it now. It is very, very good. It's his orchestral cd, and is absolutely beautiful. While he's okay as a singer, he's a phenomenal composer. This and his first Christmas cd make me crave more. Here's hoping.

I like the Irish-soundingness of some of the tracks, and the meditativeness (is that a word?) of some of the others (although track 10 leaves something to be desired). It sounds like a movie soundtrack (and I'm a huge soundtrack buff). It has the intensity, the joy, and the quiet moments of a soundtrack, and it all flows together like one piece. It's great.

what is wrong with people?

today's rude person story:

i went to get gas. a big tanker was there, filling up the pumps. the guy said it was ok for me to fill up, so i did. shortly thereafter, a man came to fill up his truck. then, just as i was finishing, a woman pulled up behind me and started her pump. and then proceeded to get on her cell phone.

tanker guy: could you turn off your phone, please?

woman (with major attitude): could you ask a little nicer?!

tanker guy: i said please.

woman (all indignant-like): ugh!

she then stepped back about 5 feet and continued her conversation. the men and i just looked at each other, and then i left.

seriously, woman. if the tanker guy asks you to get off the phone, get off the phone! i don't care if you want to blow yourself up, but don't take me with you!

my lunch today

string cheese, a couple crackers, and a fun-size kit-kat

halloween

no haunted house next door this year. which sadly meant no 'thriller' for 4 hours straight. although maybe it's not so sad. last year i spent the whole night wishing i was watching the video so i could dance along, whereas this year i didn't feel like i was missing out on anything. so that was good.
also, because i had to work last minute til 7:30, i only got to see 6 trick-or-treaters. no one was home at my house, actually. and we had 10 bags of candy. 10. i don't know why i didn't just give them each a bag. but i didn't. so if anybody wants to come trick-or-treat at my house, please do!

'holy crap' probably isn't the best thing to say

it doesn't sound very respectful. i should probably come up with a less sacrilegious thing to say to express my feelings. maybe i should hearken back to the 50s and say 'gee whiz.'

it's less than a week before the election

and i have no idea who i'm voting for. i feel like i should know by now, but no one is jumping out at me. i wish we had a candidate that made me go 'holy crap! that guy is awesome! i'm so voting for him!' one of the ladies at the home asked if she could vote for abraham lincoln. (people came in yesterday so the residents could vote.) they told her that she could write in whomever she wants. maybe that's the route i should take.

yay for free tacos, boo for scarily strange man in line

so i'm standing in line to get my free taco, when two men get in line after me for theirs. and one of them smiles at me. and keeps smiling at me. the whole time i'm waiting for my taco after i order, this guy is smiling at me. the guy he was with looked nice enough, but this guy was like 45 and eccentric-looking and had a creepy smile.
maybe i get creeped out too easily. but this was just weird.

free tacos from 2-6 tomorrow at taco bell!

interrupted yawns are the worst

i was at the grocery store, walking down the cracker aisle, innocently minding my own business, when i yawned. as i was yawning, i happened to see a box of club crackers with a picture of michael phelps looking like this (except with more of a smile). --->

he was totally making fun of me! which is not nice, cuz then i smiled, which interrupted my yawn, leaving me with that incomplete yawn feeling, which is very frustrating. so sorry, michael, you are my not hero of the day.

so scary

is anyone else totally creeped out by this guy?
http://lifechangingbox.com/popup/comm_lcd.html

i forgot my cookie!

ginger snaps go very well with lipton spiced chai tea. so while i wanted a cookie, i decided to wait til my tea was ready before i ate it. i finished my tea about half an hour ago. and i just noticed my cookie sitting here next to me! how does one forget such a thing? (i know, i have a hard life. but it made me sad, and i had to tell someone.)

so i'm at the library...

and hear, 'sh! john! you're at the library. you have to whisper. you have to whisper at the library.'
'i know.'
'SH! john! you have to whisper! you have to use your library whisper. john! sh!'
a few seconds later:
'john! look at this! look at these books about art. look! there's rembrandt and davinci and look at them.'
'i see them.'
'john! sh! you're at the library! you have to whisper at the library.'
a few seconds later:
'john! we're at the library. do you see this book? we're at the library, john. are we going soon? i want to look at this magazine. i'm going to sit here and look at it. that's being quiet. you have to be quiet, john. you can only whisper at the library.'

"new" ice machine at work

so we're getting a new ice machine at work. the problem with our current one is that it is too loud and disturbs people, and the administrator doesn't like the location.
so now, instead of having an ice machine next to the coffee machine and by a sink, it is going to be in a different room. a room that is supposed to be locked 60% of the time. new rule states that it is to remain unlocked and we are to hope that no one steals anything.
in addition to this convenient location (by no sink, so you have to go to a different room to get water if you want something to go with your ice), the new machine is older than i am (i'll let you figure out what that comes to). it doesn't have a sensor thing for the ice, but a scoop. a scoop that people handle, then put back in the ice. a scoop that you hope doesn't get dropped on the floor. a scoop that is so big, it just might be easier to reach into the ice and grab the two cubes you want. as in with your hands.
so overall, this is just a brilliant idea. you can tell because the administrator came up with it. or rather, you can tell the administrator came up with it.

oh yes - and one other thought

guy in a car i passed looked just like toby from 'the office'

some thoughts i had when driving to des moines

- are weigh stations ever open?
- it always bothers me that the straight river curves
- minnesota really does have a better welcome sign than iowa
- why is it that when you finally find a radio station, you're out of range within 10 minutes?
- i really like slowing down in front of people who are tailgating me when i'm going 10 over